My Christian Testimony

I thought it may interest some to hear about my Christian testimony.  I'll try and be brief - but I don't think I'll succeed in this brevity goal...

From my earliest memories I remember some kind of knowledge of and affection for Jesus.  I can't remember a time in which I came to believe in God or trust in Jesus.  From my earliest memories, I always did.  There was no "I was saved" moment for me. This is perhaps one of the best gifts parents can give a child - to be brought up in "...the nurture and admonition of the Lord"(Eph. 6) in a way that Christ was always in his mind as the Savior, Lord, and also his Friend.

As a child, I thought of my mom as a spiritual rock.  She constantly exercised what I later came to know as Christian virtues.  She was and still is a kind of human "Giving Tree"(remember the Shel Silverstein book?)  She also defended the faith.  I can remember arguing against divine creation and FOR naturalistic Darwinian evolution after reading much from our copious collection of Time-Life books - all coming from naturalistic presuppositions.  Mom patiently and lovingly listened to my questions (while she washed dishes) and responded with reason and Biblical faith.  Her answers are not the intellectual debate-winning type I seek and try to use now, but they are the type that demonstrate conviction and ones I still respect.  I admire her for the way she lovingly dealt with my bouts of near-agnosticism.

My dad modeled all the Christian virtues, but I later came to discover he probably didn't have the faith in the One who is the Foundation for these.  My dad was and continues to be something of an enigma concerning his spirituality and spiritual convictions.  Possessing orthodox Christian faith or not, my dad was an is as close as many will get meeting a Jesus - type man.  I don't mean to flirt with blasphemy when I say this.  All I'm trying to say is that as far as his character and actions are concerned, people are hard-pressed to find fault with him.  His honesty and integrity is undeniable, and I love this about him.  I want to be like him.  Even if I were not a Christian, the compelling influence of my dad and the character he possessed would push me to live as a Christian should - but many fail at.  I continually pray he will come to know, love, and cling to Christ.

Mom always made it to church if she could.  It was pretty much expected and required I go to.  This was just normal.  I didn't consider questioning it! We attended two different First Baptist churches during my youth.  Dad didn't attend most of the time; most Sundays he was working - putting food on the table and presents under the tree by his hard work.  Of course, as I alluded to earlier, he might not have preferred to go to church anyway.  I actually don't gravitate towards churchiness myself - but I understand it is a good thing to go and congregational worship is not only assumed but also commanded by Scripture.  Dad and I share a certain uncomfortableness being in groups and crowds - so if I wasn't convinced that church-going was a good thing, I'd probably lead a more monk-cell-type worship life.  Anyways,  I was baptized at age 12.  I know this pleased my mom, but it was not just to please her.  I had and continued to have a real faith in Jesus Christ the Savior.  I met my future wife (the one I'm married to now) in church.  It was the 2nd of the two First Baptist churches I attended as a youth.  We were married at that certain First Baptist Church.

My Christian faith was real, but it was not particularly theologically deep.  I didn't know it then, but I later came to discover the type of worship and type of teaching I was getting at the churches I grew up in was not particularly deep either.  I always had Christian faith, but it would be weak at times.  I know I frightened my wife a little with my interest in reading Isaac Asimov's Guide To The Bible as well as my 'Devil's advocate' type of questions I would frequently bring up early in our marriage.  I was reading solid and dense stuff from non-believers but had been fed less substantial stuff from a believing (Christian) perspective.  Early in my marriage my wife and I were invited to attend some meetings with some friends I met from work.  They were very friendly and as far as I knew, the teaching was Biblical.  However, I wanted to make sure I knew what we were getting into.  This concern was the initial catalyst, providentially-ordered, for a major strengthening of my faith and a renewing of my way of thinking.

My concern for finding out what we were getting into launched me into finding out about the historical tenets of the Christian faith I had always professed.  I immediately began reading from authors defending and explaining the Faith; I became immersed in books of the Apologetics genre - the defense of the Christian faith.  I cut my teeth on R.C. Sproul.  I also read some other Christian apologists and writers and thus broadened my perspective a little more.  This was also my introduction to historically "Reformed" Christianity; the Protestantism of the Reformation.  I really hadn't known what a Calvinist was or what an Arminian was before this point.  Now I did.  As it turned out, I was attending a theologically Arminian church (not "Armenian" but "Arminian") which espoused a futuristic dispensational eschatology.  However, I was not these things - or at least was now not these thing.  No matter, I would still attend because it was still a Christian Church - just with some non-essential differences.  By the way, my personal reading and study shortly convinced me that the group we had been meeting with was a group I did not want us to meet with any longer.  I don't know whatever happened to those friends.  We lost touch.

A turning point soon happened which caused us to leave the church we had been attending.  The church was allowing a woman to guest-pastor on Sundays the regular pastor was out.  The reading I had been doing for many months by that time had convinced me that Scripture teaches a certain division of labor and a certain order to the way a church runs and who holds office.  The fact that our church was letting a women guest-pastor when I'm pretty sure there were men who were Biblically-qualified to do it was a problem for me.  I sent a lengthy e-mail to the regular pastor regarding my problem with this.  I used Scripture, reason, and asked questions.  He didn't give me the sort of thoughtful and careful response I was looking for.  Without waxing long about this, his apparent lack-of-concern for the question caused me to look elsewhere for a church home for me and my young family.  We soon found one.  I now knew how to theologically describe myself.  I was Christian, but I was also Reformed, Presbyterian, and Postmillennial.  The most important thing though is that knowing God and Scripture had become important for me - and important for my wife.  I will call many non-Reformed, non-Presbyterian, non-Postmillennial Christians "brothers" and "sisters" in Christ - but I cannot honestly regard a "Christian" who doesn't care or who is indifferent about the Scripture or knowing God as real Christian.  We may come to some different conclusions about certain non-essential theological and eschatological points, but can a true Christian be indifferent about knowing God or Scripture?

Though admittedly a little Spock-like much of the time, I also have some inherited emotional tendencies I think come from mom.  I don't necessarily see this as a bad thing.  It's actually a good thing when it's governed by the bedrock of Scripture instead of governed by our own sinful and deceitful hearts.  When I first began to explore and realize the majesty of God, His sovereignty, His depth, his Tri-Unity, His Awesomeness, the loftiness and Authority of Scripture, the multi-dimensional aspects of Jesus and richness of His teaching, the profundity of Love - and how it is much more and much deeper than the type taught and absorbed by popular culture - well, I would frankly have weeping moments.  I still do. I would have them while driving and doing other solitary things - not around others.  Mom is a weeper too.  What joy it was to imbibe God's word!  What a joy it is to trust in God's Providence!  I would read the Bible, memorize Scripture, and read books about the Bible as much as I could. Whereas I always had Christian faith, it felt stronger and more meaningful at this point.  My wife's own faith changed and strengthened too.

In order not to make this blog post into a super-long entry, I'll close it up now.  My wife and I are Christians.  We can talk about deep issues together and with our kids.  Our kids profess trust in Christ.  I have no reason not to believe any of them.  This is a wonderful comfort and happiness for me.  I love the Faith and the life that God has given me.  It is all His gift - not something I have earned or merited in any way.  Man is fallen and has a sin problem.  We are separated from God.  God has provided a Perfect Savior in the Person of Jesus Christ the Son.  He stands in for those who trust in Him.  He stands in for sinful me who would never have a relationship with the Father if it wasn't for the work of the Son.  He lovingly sustains us and causes me to joy.  He causes me to consider eternity and not be afraid.  He gives purpose to my life, my marriage, and my family-raising other than the empty and fleeting goals of materialism and, "having fun."  I have plenty of fun, but it's a better and richer type of fun than I think I would have had otherwise.  Perhaps one of the most important things I've come to understand is that life is not all about me or about you; it's about God and His Glory.  This is really key, and it's what I think enlightened saints through the ages have come to understand.  Paradoxically, if you understand that life is about God and His Glory, you will end up having more joy yourself!  In fact, you will have more joy than if you focused on your own joy.  I hope this helps you on your journey.