I've been so negligent when it comes to keeping up this blog that it's laughable. I hope to have composed something of worth. This unplanned trip into blog-composing mode owes itself to recent ruminations on my not-so-invincible body, the persistence of aging, and considerations into the things that actually matter - and what I should and shouldn't spend my time doing.
Note: Even for this "Grammar Nazi"(Yours Truly) I'm not even going to worry about proper paragraph division. I might have a big lump of several subjects smooshed together in one big blob of words or I may hyper-fracture something that should be just one paragraph. I'm not going to worry about it - and that's it. I may overuse the dash and/or the hyphen and it doesn't matter much to me. I'm going to go "stream of consciousness" as much as I can.
Sometimes I feel great. I feel like a very fit 37-year-old. I feel boastful. I sometimes boast to my patient and tolerant wife about my abdominal definition and other things that really should be left to adolescent males to boast about. I'm glad I have such a patient and tolerant wife. Those on the outside still see my humble side - I hope. It's really the better side.
I've changed focus from fitness to health over the last several years. Sometimes the health mistakes I made in my 20's and early 30's are enough to trigger a little depression...but I attempt to quickly squelch that. After all, you can't change the past. In my 20's didn't take sleep seriously. I swallowed hook line and sinker the sentiment that sleep is for the weak - and that the strong can adapt. It's really fits well with a USMC-type mentality. Yes, I spent time in the USMC (Reserve) where I was further indoctrinated with this idea. Adaptation only goes so far - and no further. Five hours or less of sleep per day was pretty much the norm for me. If I heard of someone who thrived on 3 hours per night I would think I could do it too. I was even consistently advised by my dad that I needed to get more sleep. I ignored it because of my conviction that I was different - others may, but certainly not me. Ignored were the signs of falling asleep on the couch while reading to the kids, falling asleep for a split-second while drinking coffee - and then spilling it on myself, and needing to do "stay awake" tricks while driving.
What did I spend that extra time doing in which I could have been sleeping? Well, for several years I worked two jobs - and really couldn't afford to sleep much...but at other times I could. Believe it or not, I had (and still have to some degree) an insecurity about my perceived knowledge and intelligence. Well, I also have a genuine thirst for knowledge. One (the first) is something not to be proud of - It's a fault. The other is a laudable thing - It's good. However, sacrificing needed sleep to get more time reading Tolkien, or a "classic" that every "educated" person should be conversant with, or studying my Latin just may mean that the time I spend doing those things may be nearly wasted. Have you ever noticed that you don't retain information as well when you're tired? This leads to more self-imposed fatigued studying, more frustration, and little gain - except you can boast you read this or you read that. Oh, you can also boast you only sleep x number of hours per day. It would have been worth it if it were spent saving lives or doing something else which made a definite contribution to the well being of others - but it wasn't. For me much of it was for prideful vanity. This is not a good reason.
Is it a good time for a new paragraph? Ok. Let's have at it! Diet. In my 20's and early 30's I ate a great deal of saturated fat, sugar, and calories. The calories I may have needed - but the other stuff I could have done without. My focus then was on fitness. If I had abdominal definition and could run a 5-minute mile (or sub 5-minute mile) I was golden. I didn't have to worry about globs of cheese, HUGE desserts, and a paucity of fresh fruits and vegetables. I was invincible. I was different. Well, that's what I would tell myself! Wow. My focus in my mid and late 30's is much different - health first, fitness 2nd. I wish I could go back in time - but I can't. A fit body can be an unhealthy body, and in the end, the lack of true health may be the total undoing of the fit body. I limit my desserts and limit my saturated fat now. Blood sugar level, blood pressure, cholesterol level, and other things I used to not even think about because I could do well in races - yes, these things matter.
The utter insanity of being a personal trainer and fitness instructor while living with the delusion of health invincibility. I know, it's not a complete sentence. You know what I mean. Probably the funnest time I had while making good money was when I was teaching bootcamp-style exercise classes and holding some personal training sessions. I'm sure there are some young trainers/instructors out there who had and have the same problem as I did...they thought the rules didn't apply to them! Hey, I thought the rules didn't apply to me in regards to health...just read my previous paragraphs! Some participants would speak wisdom to me concerning sleep or diet and I wouldn't really take it to heart because I thought I was different - better. I know now that adaptation only goes so far. It's not normal to fall asleep at the drop of a hat or to catch every cold that goes around. The type of pride that makes one muscle through things like that without thought of lifestyle changes is a stupid kind of pride. I would be a much better and more well-rounded fitness instructor now than I was back then - and also much more empathetic.
Dental health. I didn't take it seriously comparatively recently. This was a mistake. With age and experience as the Teacher, I'm trying to make up for lost time and rectify past mistakes. However, it's easier to keep good health in this area if you take it seriously from the very beginning. Probably one of the most stupid things I did was back in my teens when I would eat alot of dried fruit (in the interest of health) but ignored how the dried fruit, most of the time raisins, would stick to my teeth. Stupid. I might as well have been eating actual candy - and I would have at least enjoyed it more. Lack of flossing was another thing I wish I could go back in time and correct.
Currently, with my focus on health, I pay more attention to sleep, eat healthfully, and take meticulous care of my teeth and gums. I'm more alert and get fewer colds. I try and take the wide-angle-lens approach and recognize that what's done is done - I cannot go back in time and correct the past. I really don't know the extent of the damage I've done. The good news is that I never smoked or did drugs. I've also never been drunk - though I still enjoy a few beers a week. Still, it's amazing the amount of damage that can be done even if the usual health culprits are avoided! The best way to take things now is to focus on the present and the future - because the past cannot be changed. I'm enjoying my alertness and lack of colds. I view keeping my teeth and my own oral health a challenge - and it's best to make it into a "challenge" rather than a self-pity party.
Nagging clicks and very minor pains of the body and joints. Could these have been prevented? Maybe. No sense worrying about the past. For the present, I don't make mega mileage and "MUST do-it" a god when it comes to workout schedule. Sure, I'm driven - but I'm acknowledging that I'm not invincible...and I may never run high-mileage weeks again. It's much better to have a balance - and to be healthy.
Cold weather. It turns out I suffer from a condition in which blood flow is markedly limited to the extremities during cold weather or extreme stress - and fingers and toes become colder than they would for the average person. It might be hereditary - as there are two family members I know who suffer from the same thing. When I finally realized that my extremities really did become colder than most around me, it solved the puzzle as to why I had difficulty tying my boots and shoes during cold weather times during military training. It solved the puzzle as to why I had problems with normal operation and usage of my service rifle during military training and my 9mm gun in police academy when the weather got colder. It wasn't because I was lazy or stupid...it was because my hands were colder and number than than those peoples' hands around me. There will be no moving to North Dakota for us, thank you very much!
The acknowledgment of real health issues reset my focus from fitness to health. Health is primary, fitness is secondary. What's more, it is not just for me. It is for my family. It doesn't solve the whole problem though. Even in the best conditions, I will grow old and eventually die. This prompts increased recognition of the importance of peace with God. This is the culmination and necessary component of true health. I've had a faith in Jesus Christ for as long as I can remember, but in the face of inevitable physical decline and eventual bodily death, Jesus really is ultimately my only hope. It brings me peace to think about this. Really, more people need to think about the inevitability of death in this world. I still suffer from pride and fitness-pride. I'm working on it. In the end, Jesus is my only hope for not only an indestructible resurrected body - but much more importantly he is my only hope for peace with God the Father. He is not only my only hope, but he is the only hope of anyone. The whole lesson - that of the salvation of physical health as well as ultimate salvation (which is ultimately more important) is one I hope to live by and one I hope to teach my children and anyone who will listen. By the way, this is not some smug Sunday-School lesson...this is what I'm really convinced of and am endeavoring by God's grace to do.
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